


Snapshot of a Cruel Summer

by TokiDokiIchinose



Series: Song AUs [8]
Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:53:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25711666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TokiDokiIchinose/pseuds/TokiDokiIchinose
Summary: Reiji was the hopeless romantic who thought he had finally met the one. Tokiya was the one who took what he had for granted. Ren was the fool who showed up too late. Entwined in a fate set in motion from their very decisions, the three of them met in the worst way possible wth no hopes of recovering any of it.Inspired by Taylor Swift's new songs cardigan, betty and august.
Relationships: Ichinose Tokiya/Jinguuji Ren, Ichinose Tokiya/Kotobuki Reiji
Series: Song AUs [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1156781
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

It wasn't as if he thought it was too late, but Reiji could disagree seeing that he was thirty-three and sitting in his first ever college classroom. His longtime friend, Ranmaru, had given him quite the look at the mere mention of going back to school. It had been something he'd thought about for quite a while now, though. Of course working at his family's bento shop felt like all he could possibly need, but there was something missing. He wanted to figure out what it was, so he thought advancing in the game of life would be his next step. Now, here he was seated in a Writing Through Literature Gen-Ed class in the nearest community college.

He couldn't stop the flutter of butterflies' wings that pressed into the walls of his stomach as he took out a notebook and a pen, tapping it nervously against the blank pages in front of him. Reiji wasn't sure where this would lead him, but he certainly discovered something else in the tired setting of chalk dust and bored college students.

He knew he fell in love.

Being too distracted with his own thoughts, Reiji had almost missed the last student who had walked in, seemingly exhausted as much as everyone else in the room. Despite his neat and strict appearance, his navy locks were spiked out from his head as if he hadn't been bothered to spend the fifteen minutes it would've taken to straighten them out properly. He walked with a purpose as he chose the empty desk exactly three chairs away from Reiji, glancing at the watch around his right wrist as he set his messenger bag down on the floor beside his chair.

Reiji held no expectations for this new life experience, but somehow that exploded into mindless wanderings of thoughts pertaining to the rest of his life. It played out like a flashback in a film reel, endlessly and looped constantly. He would never forget what he felt as his wide brown eyes connected with the ocean depths of the other's curious stare, and his laugh like music that floated in the air after Reiji grinned, garnering a scolding from the professor.

He felt himself falling before he could even understand it.

It was impossible to listen as the professor began to drone on about the syllabus and intentions held for the rest of the semester. Papers passed from his hands to whoever the student behind him was in a blur as he kept his peripheral vision focused on the serious student, noting how curt his responses were and how brief the notes he penciled down were.

Reiji's attention only fell on the professor as he spoke about the homework due for their next meeting and passed along the notice that the class was finally over. He hadn't even realized an hour had passed them by.

Before he could even register his final words, the student he had been too focused on was already out of his seat and making his way towards the door. Reiji scrambled to gather his belongings, shoving them blindly into the bag he brought as he slung it over his shoulders and fought the crowd ready to escape from the classroom as he chased after the student.

If he had been asked why, he wouldn't have had an answer. Maybe it was the desire for change he didn't realize he held, or maybe it was his blind faith that propelled him forward. Whatever it was, he knew he should've tried to stop himself from falling as unceremoniously as he had. Though nothing could've stopped what he had set in motion.

That spring and summer were the worst and best times of his life no matter how brief they seemed, no matter the amount of tears he shed over his own stupidity. He would've done it all over again if it meant experiencing that sort of happiness once more.

"Wait!" Reiji shouted through panted breaths as he ran to the other student, grabbing his attention and halting him in his steps.

The student quirked an eyebrow as he spun around to watch Reiji's figure approach him at a startling speed. "Do I know you?" His words were bitter and just as cold as his eyes played him out to be.

Reiji bent down to place his hands at his knees as he fought to catch his breath, only straightening up when he knew he could speak. "Er... No, you wouldn't."

This only seemed to confuse the other even more than his original shout had. "May I ask what you need of me then? I'm in a bit of a rush."

Reiji thrust his hand out towards the other, plastering on the biggest grin he could muster. "I'm Reiji Kotobuki. I don't really know what I'm doing around here, and you look like you know a thing or two."

The student glanced down at Reiji's hand and his grin, his brows only furrowing more as he let a sigh escape his lips. His hand gently wrapped around Reiji's more calloused one before letting go just as quickly. "Tokiya Ichinose. Now then, if you'll excuse me."

Reiji watched helplessly as the other spun back around on his heels and continued on his way out of the front doors to the building.

He would never forget the heat of his fingers against his own. Chasing the electricity he felt was another mistake he should've regret but couldn't find it in himself to.

Clenching his fist with a new feeling of bewilderment coursing through him, Reiji pushed himself to get through the rest of the day as best he could. It was long and dull, but not as painful as it could've been without having met Tokiya. Tokiya... He kept repeating that name over and over again in his mind, so much so that he had accidentally missed the way the professor in charge of his last class of the day called out his name. The embarrassment he felt didn't hold even half of the spark of emotions he felt around the student he just met did. He couldn't bring himself to mind the second scolding of the day he received either.

Throwing his bag into the passenger seat of his small car, Reiji shut the door and started the vehicle up but paused to stare down at the hand that held Tokiya's. He wouldn't let this one slip past him.

Clenching his first before releasing it to grip the steering wheel, Reiji threw the car into reverse and headed for his shared apartment with Ranmaru. He didn't realize how truly dazed he was until he got home and Ranmaru immediately commented on it.

"What's with that look?"

He wasn't too surprised to find Ranmaru sprawled along the length of the couch, feet up on the opposite headrest and arms behind his head. Briefly, he wondered why he bothered to put in his colored contacts if all he was going to do was nap. The effort he put towards certain things always made Reiji laugh.

"Where's my welcome home kiss, RanRan?" Reiji pretended to pout as he tossed his bag by the door, quick to make his way over to the kitchen.

"Do I wanna bother askin' what happened?" Despite what Ranmaru thought, it was clear his voice held some sort of level of interest.

Reiji would gladly indulge him. Rushing from the fridge to throw himself across Ranmaru's lap, he tossed his arms over his eyes as he spoke about his encounter with the mysterious Tokiya Ichinose. Ranmaru moved fast to throw Reiji onto the floor, regretting his decision to ask in the first place.

"Shouldn't've said anything. This is over some dumb teen?"

Reiji righted himself on the floor, sitting criss cross as he looked up at Ranmaru. "He actually looks quite smart."

"Do ya realize that'll end in a lawsuit? You're old."

Reiji placed a hand over his heart, a fake expression of pain crossing his features. "RanRan, you wound me! I'm not old, just mature!"

"That'll throw you in jail even faster." Ranmaru scoffed at him as he leaned back into the couch, closing his eyes this time. "Don't do anything stupid."

Reiji dropped the act to stare back at his hand again. "You know I can't make that kind of promise."

Because he knew he would. It was already stupid to be as caught up as he already was, but there was no ignoring it now. He wanted to see where this would take him, even if it meant inflicting more wounds through the scars he still carried. He was determined to chase whatever this was, even if it was only something reckless.

When mid-February snow hit, Reiji was more determined than ever to follow this new path. He had been stopping Tokiya after class whenever he could, even if only for just a moment. He had learned very quickly that Tokiya was almost always busy. That truth was more obvious when he waltzed into class one day seemingly more exhausted than he had ever been. The bags under his eyes were a horrendous dark purple that stood out harshly against his sickly pale skin. Reiji's eyes narrowed, watching the other closely throughout their shared class.

Afterwards, Reiji made sure he was faster than the other, leaning a hand against his desk as he wore a more serious expression.

Tokiya barely processed the other's presence until he had tried to stand up and almost fell back down in his chair. Reiji's expression faltered to one of concern as he rushed to save the other from falling. "Tokki, are you alright?"

When Tokiya blinked back the bleariness, he gasped and quickly pushed Reiji away from himself. "I'm sorry. I have to go. I'm going to be late."

Reiji's eyes widened as he watched Tokiya scramble for his belongings and push himself up out of his seat. He didn't hesitate to grab his wrist to pull him to a stop. Tokiya struggled with hardly any effort for a moment before glancing at Reiji's face to look for an answer as to why he was doing this.

Reiji offered no explanation before dragging him off to where his car was parked out front in the designated student spots. Opening the car door for him, Reiji motioned for him to get in leaving no room for arguments over the matter. Tokiya seemed to understand what his actions meant as he slid into the seat without another word.

If they weren't under their current circumstances, Reiji would've revelled in the feeling of Tokiya's eyes following his every breath from the passenger seat in his car. He can't be bothered to think about that though when Tokiya looked as ill as he did. It's even more obvious that there's no one in his life close enough to tell him to stop, so Reiji nominated himself for that position. He'll take the position of the bad guy in the argument.

When they got to his apartment, Reiji shot Ranmaru a look as he threw both of their bags down and led Tokiya over to his bedroom. Tokiya glanced over at Ranmaru, but again, he didn't make a sound as he followed Reiji and hung back in the door frame as he fixed up the sheets.

"Sleep. We'll talk when you're awake again." Reiji knew he had probably crossed a few lines here. To go from passing conversations and quick exchanges to suddenly dragging him back to his apartment, into his own bedroom no less.

But Tokiya nodded. He didn't recoil away from him. He didn't storm out in anger. He didn't shout in disgust. In fact, he waited for Reiji to walk towards the door before climbing into the bed and settling under the sheets. Reiji watched him carefully from the door, waiting until he was comfortable before turning off the light and shutting the door behind him.

When he walked back into the common room, Ranmaru had sat up on the couch with disbelief in his heterochromatic eyes. "The hell, Reiji? Is that the kid you've been talkin' about?"

"Shh, I want him to sleep. Yes, that's him, though."

"Why's he here? You better have a good reason, too."

"He almost passed out after class. I think he's overworking himself. I don't-"

"Ya don't even know? Figure out what's goin' on. I'm leavin'. Call me when he's gone." Ranmaru stood up from the couch and pulled out his phone, placing a call on it as he reached for his apartment keys and bent down to lace up his boots.

Reiji could only watch as his friend escaped the apartment not too long later. He'll have hell to pay for later, but for right now his main concern was Tokiya.

It only took a few hours before Tokiya poked his head out from Reiji's room. "I'm awake..." His voice broke from the lack of use, eyes downcast as he spoke to him.

Reiji glanced over at him before patting the seat next to himself on the couch. Tokiya wordlessly made his way over to the couch, seated a bit of a distance away from Reiji and curled into himself. It was careless and stupid and beyond reckless, but Reiji didn't regret his next action one bit. He threw himself at the other, wrapping him in his embrace as tightly as he could manage. He could feel Tokiya's shoulder stiffen with the action, but he waited until they sunk back down in ease before pulling away though he kept his hands on his shoulders.

"I'm glad you managed to sleep. You looked exhausted earlier."

Tokiya's eyes widened as he stared at him, searching his eyes for answers he can't seem to understand again. "Why do you care?"

Reiji grinned at him, unsure of the answer himself but knowing that it felt right. "Because I want to. Won't you let me?"

Reiji began panicking when he noticed the first few tears slip down Tokiya's face. He was quick to swipe them off his cheeks but couldn't quite catch all of them. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to make you cry!" His fingers paused when he felt Tokiya begin to shake, worrying him further. Had he really upset the other so much?

But then he heard the laughter. Reiji was completely taken aback by how genuine and carefree the sound was.

That was the start of it all. It seemed ridiculous how it began, but Reiji felt it described everything about the two of them wrapped up tightly into one perfect moment.

A month passed from that night, and they had instantly become inseparable. After classes, Reiji drove Tokiya to work where he was a barista at a nearby café whenever he could. On the nights he worked until close, Reiji picked him up and let him stay the night. However, his favorite time was the weekend. Tokiya was almost always given them off, so they always spent the most time together then. From movie nights to breaking out old board games, they always ended up cuddled underneath blankets and watching the sun set and rise together.

The best part of it all was that Tokiya let him. Tokiya gave him promises that Reiji thought he'd never hear again. When Reiji said he had a hard time trusting himself, Tokiya told him that he would trust him no matter what. It was as if Tokiya drew stars around the years-old scars that he wore wrapped up tightly under long sleeves.

Weaving a new story, Reiji let himself fall completely. He let himself go in a way he hadn't been able to with anyone before.

One particularly cold night, Reiji had found himself craving Tokiya's presence in a way he hadn't ever had before. Sliding his fingers under the sweater Tokiya wore, Reiji leaned in closer to pull the other's lips against his own. When they finally parted for air, Tokiya joked about how cold Reiji's fingers are. Reiji let himself get swept up in the moment, filling the air with laughter as he struggled to catch his breath from their passionate moment. It was everything he could've ever hoped for.

He was lucky enough that Tokiya only wanted more of it as well. From spending casual time together to texting every moment they couldn't see each other, Reiji became intoxicated by his new lover diving deeper than he ever had before.

There were times they went out into the city together, fingers laced between each other's as they rode the train in. Reiji always swung their hands between them when they were walking like this, enjoying the way Tokiya would smile as he continued talking about work from that week. When they left on the last possible train, Reiji always threw his head down on Tokiya's chest, enjoying how flustered he would become as he quickly glanced around to see if anyone was around. His heartbeat always spiked, but it was a calming lullaby that he knew only sounded for him.

It never ended at just that either.

Tokiya followed him to bars because Reiji loved going out for a drink after a stressful week. Reiji laughed as Tokiya wrinkled his nose at the smell of the alcohol and laughed even harder when he practically choked on his drink. Despite being way over the legal age, Reiji learned that Tokiya almost never drank due to concerns over his health. It was endearing how big the difference was between the both of them in these regards. After telling him to ease up and have only one more, one seemed to accidentally turn into a few too many. Reiji had wrapped his arms around Tokiya's waist as he walked him out to his car in the parking lot, but Tokiya broke free from his grip to spin himself around the empty space. Dancing drunkenly around the parking lot like that, he whisked Reiji into it all as he spoke about how much he cherished what they had.

They changed each other for the better. Tokiya broke out from his cold shell, seemingly gaining quite the number of friends and admirers along the way. Reiji had been proud when he came up to him, saying how he actually had plans to visit a bookshop with a kid named Masato from one of his other classes. Conversations about Reiji and Tokiya blew up as well. Reiji wasn't one to listen to rumors at all, but he found it fascinating how everyone on the outside perceived the two of them and their relationship. None of them knew how deeply they really affected each other. They wouldn't ever know either despite what they thought.

Reiji began sharing his deepest fears, hoping to mend himself through Tokiya. It started off slow and easy, only burdening him with one simple fear at a time. Tokiya never cared how much was thrown at him, always welcoming the new information with open arms. Reiji laid out his deepest wounds for him. The knives were long and twisted, but Tokiya pulled out each one as carefully as he could and patched up the bleeding with bandaids made from his comforting words.

Tokiya was the very start of something he thought would be beautiful and incredible and _magical_. Reiji felt like faulty goods that were finally given a home, like a cardigan tossed under someone's bed. Tokiya had dug under the bed, pulled him out and wore him, wrapping his arms around himself and claiming him as his favorite.

How foolish he had been to think it could last forever.

It started at the end of Reiji's first semester in college. He hadn't thought he could take a whole year off from his family's bento shop, so he only took three classes at the college during the spring semester. Now that it was finally over, he had the whole summer with Tokiya to start planning out what he wanted to do next.

Only Tokiya began working a lot more. As well as keeping up with his barista job, he took on an internship at a nearby business. Reiji hadn't been too sure about letting that happen right away as he tended to overwork himself so easily, but he knew that he would be quick to shut it down should it become too much for him.

They hardly had time to see each other. Most of the times they hung out, it was in those short moments Reiji offered to drive him to his internship or over to the café. Other times, it was just the two of them taking naps on the couch in Reiji's apartment much to Ranmaru's dismay. They were always exhausted when they finally got around to seeing each other.

That should've been the first clue. It should've been easier to spot, but Reiji was blissfully naive at the time.

When August rolled around, Reiji was quite confident in their relationship despite how little they got to see each other. Even those small moments were ones he cherished just the same. Like right now, they were sitting on Reiji's couch with Tokiya's head against his shoulder as they pretended to pay attention to whatever movie they had put on. He was happy with just this, though there was something else he was beginning to get a bit excited over.

"I got a wedding invitation from one of my closest friends back when I was in high school. They said I could take someone. Would you want to go?" It was more of the idea of seeing Tokiya so dressed up that intrigued him the most about the invitation. It was why he had already let his friend know that they'd be coming even if Tokiya hadn't necessarily agreed just yet.

Tokiya seemed to mull the idea over for a minute. "When is it? My internship is almost over, and I don't want to miss one of the last possible days of it."

"I think it's in two weeks. I already told him I would go, but don't feel pressured to. It's that Saturday." Reiji began tracing light circles against the back of Tokiya's hand that he held in his own.

Tokiya gave it another moment before responding right away, clearly weighing his options. After all, Reiji knew Tokiya didn't really have weekends off anymore since his internship had started asking for him to appear on Saturdays as well. Reiji figured it wouldn't be that hard to get just this one day off, although something in the way he answered seemed as though he had other plans.

Again, Reiji should've seen the signs.

"Alright then. It seems it can't be helped. I'll join you."

Reiji hummed happily under his breath as he broke their fingers apart to text his friend about the news. Maybe going to something as romantic as a wedding would help them realize they should be spending just a bit more time together. Reiji wasn't trying to be greedy, though. Tokiya already sacrificed so much just being with him as they were now. He didn't want to pile on more work for the other by forcing him to appear at such an event. Plus unlike himself, Tokiya didn't like the crowds.

The wedding came around a lot faster than he had thought it would.

When Reiji finally finished putting his suit on, he made his way out of his room to find Tokiya adjusting his tie in the mirror set up before the front door. Reiji's breath was taken away from him at the mere sight. His mind wandered at the thought of other reasons why Tokiya could be wearing a suit... His cheeks darkened at the thought as he paced the length of the room to settle his fingers over Tokiya's own along the thin fabric. Tokiya sighed as he let Reiji take over, giving him a small smile as he fixed it for him.

The wedding was charming if a little gauche, but Reiji had expected as much considering the personalities of the newlyweds. The wedding party was quite fun, though. Reiji had dragged Tokiya onto the dancefloor a few times, but he kept notice of how tired he looked. Reiji decided to give him a break for a few songs, letting him sit down as he continued to dance. When another high school friend of his that he hadn't seen in a while offered to join him for a dance, Reiji didn't hesitate to accept. He spun his friend around once his favorite song began to play, though he couldn't help but wish that Tokiya was the one in his arms.

When he went back to his table afterwards, he found that Tokiya was nowhere to be seen.

That was another sign he should've seen.

Reiji spent the next hour or so wondering where he had run off to, even sending him a few text messages here and there in hopes that he'd only gone for a quick breath of fresh air. He stirred up a conversation at his table, laughing along with a few of the other guests even if he didn't fully mean the smiles he gave.

And then an odd rumor floated back to him. A rumor that he only hoped was only exactly that.

"You're here with Tokiya, right? Where'd he run off to? I hope not anywhere with the Jinguji kid." There was laughter associated with the comment, but Reiji couldn't join in. Not this time.

"I'm sorry? What does Tokki have to do with any of the Jingujis?" If he was correct, that was the name of the conglomerate that pulled Tokiya for the internship. The joke had confused him.

There was silence around the table before the pitying glances were finally passed around. Reiji's eyes widened before anyone actually said anything, his heart racing as fast as his mind had already begun to.

The girl closest to him leaned in, brows furrowed as she placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. "You don't know about him and Ren Jinguji?"

That was it. That was all he needed to hear. The words she spoke barely registered in his mind as she talked about the rumors floating around about _his_ Tokiya running around with the third son in the Jinguji family. Reiji was stupid. He should've known. He should've seen it happening. He knew his happiness would only last so long.

He stood up abruptly, walking out of the ballroom before he could even realize it himself. Tokiya just so happened to be walking back inside right as he had made the decision to leave. The both of them stood there face-to-face, Reiji's face took on a haunted expression as his eyes pierced through ocean blue eyes he had come to know even in his dreams. All their greatest moments flickered in the back of his mind as he now searched the other, looking for his own answer this time. There were so many questions he wanted to ask, but he couldn't form any words.

So Reiji left. He walked right past Tokiya and to the parking lot where his car was. His thoughts were devoid of anything louder than a whisper as he drove in the evening summer air. When he finally got back to his apartment, he removed his tie as quickly as he had looped it around his neck earlier in the day. Ranmaru's eyes followed him, but he said nothing as he picked up on the atmosphere that entered with Reiji's presence.

Reiji made his way over to his room and shut the door, collapsing onto his bed without bothering to change.

His scars were split open and laid bare for the world to see now. The bandaids he had thought were secure now peeled off under the rushing waters of this new epiphany. _How he should've known..._

A year had passed since that summer. Reiji was standing around his apartment with his closest friends cheering and toasting to him as he celebrated growing one year older. One year older and more experienced than the year before. The time passed exactly as he knew it would since that night last August.

He gave up on the idea of going to college, knowing he was better off helping out his family. Saving up as much money as he could, he finally bought his own apartment, and this time without a roommate. The new place was settled in the next town over, a good enough distance away where he could focus on himself but still visit his friends. Ranmaru had been understanding over the situation, moving not too long after himself as well.

He'd be lying if he said he forgot all about him. The ghost of his presence lingered as he walked through the grocery store with only a small basket occupying his hands and not the warmth of someone else's. On the nights he couldn't sleep, his mind dove back into those memories as he thought of all the what-ifs. He wondered what could've been if he was still around, if he came back. Those moments when they danced in his old kitchen to soundless music, sweet nothings falling from their lips as they moved against each other. There was black smoke fogging up the hall of mirrors where their memories together were once showcased.

Now, Reiji stood with a small glass in his hands laughing at a joke he didn't really understand as he celebrated the end of a year that left more wounds than those that healed before. Ranmaru passed him a knowing look from across the room, hesitating before downing his own glass as well.

And then the doorbell rang. Reiji wasn't expecting anyone else, so he assumed someone had gotten locked out. Instead, he was met with a ghost that he wished would just stop haunting him.

"Reiji." The ghost spoke his name as if he was stuck in their past together.

Reiji stood at the door, broken yet mended in a new understanding. He knew something would pull _him_ back to his doorstep, though he didn't know if he truly wanted it now that it was happening.

"I don't deserve you. Would you trust me if I told you it was just a summer thing? I know that the worst thing I ever did was what I did to you, but would you still have me? Would you let me love you again? I don't know anything, but I know I miss you."

Reiji isn't sure why he lets the other keep talking. Maybe it's because he knew he needed to hear this. Maybe it's because he missed the sound of Tokiya's voice.

Reiji closed his eyes, trying to ground himself before he spoke to him. "You said I was your favorite."

Tokiya choked out a sob, and when Reiji opened his eyes again, he saw that he'd buried his face into his hands.

"You were supposed to be my only." His voice was broken and crumbled like every broken promise that left his lips before.

Yet somehow that was all Reiji needed. He took a deep breath, letting a soft smile grace his lips as he gazed upon his first true love now lost. "Thank you, Tokiya. You were my only, but now I understand."

Memories have expiration dates, he learned. Deepest fears and truest tears all hold meanings to everyone, but they never define someone's very existence. That is what he learned from that summer.

The smoke of his presence was finally beginning to fade in his mind. There would be no reason to curse his name during all those sleepless nights anymore.

August slipped away into a moment in time, even if it was his to lose.


	2. I Know I Miss You

Tokiya had finally saved up enough to apply to a community college that was just down the street from where he lived. Having left his own household due to the pressure, he took his life into his own hands. The job at the café he got was small, but it was a start. He knew if he worked hard enough it could eventually pay off, and now it finally was.

The first semester had gone quite well, and the financial burden wasn't nearly as heavy as he thought it would be. Working countless hours that winter, he saved the best he could in preparation for the spring semester. Little did he know how much that one semester would change him forever.

Tokiya kept himself at a distance from people because it was easier. His home life was broken and having to explain any part of his personal life to anyone was another kind of unnecessary burden, not only on himself but on others as well. It would be easier to avoid it, so he did. He avoided everyone who ever tried to get close to him. It was easier. Only this time, he couldn't.

He made the decision on settling for an English major even if he wasn't completely sure about it just yet. This meant taking a required Writing Through Literature Gen-Ed course. Though the title proved to be interesting, it was also still considered a general class. It was just another class anyway.

Or that's what it should've been. Just another class.

He had forgotten to pull out a pen, so when the professor began writing on the board, Tokiya found himself scrambling to pull one out of his bag. When he turned to bend down, he accidentally caught the gaze of someone who almost seemed like a daydream. His brown hair hung low, scooping the back of his neck while his bangs were styled to frame his face and down the bridge of his nose. His matching brown eyes were wide with mirth as they met Tokiya's. Before he knew it, laughter bubbled in his chest when he waved to Tokiya and got yelled at in response by the professor in charge of the course.

It was only a small moment, one that drifted away with the tedious lesson plan being presented before him. He thought nothing of it at the time, so he pushed that moment into the back of his mind. Like clockwork, Tokiya rushed to escape off to work as soon as the class was over. He had about thirty minutes before he even had to worry about leaving, but maybe if he showed up a bit early they'd let him punch in...

"Wait!"

Tokiya wasn't sure, but he could tell the word was meant for himself. Logically, it made no sense considering how he never forgot anything in classrooms nor did he know anyone in any of his classes. It was day one of classes in this semester, too. No one should know him. Despite knowing this, he still stopped in his tracks to find the owner of the voice. When his eyes locked on the man calling out for him, he was surprised to find the man from earlier in the classroom speeding towards him from down the hallway.

When the man finally made it to where he was, he bent down to catch his breath clearly having exhausted himself for seemingly no reason. Tokiya couldn't help but notice how lively he seemed.. Despite how much fuller he seemed, it was amusing to note how much shorter than himself he was. Not that he cared in the slightest, though.

Tokiya quirked an eyebrow at the man. "Do I know you?" The words came out colder than he had meant them to, but it was a genuine question. He had no idea who this was, and it made no sense for someone like this to come find himself as he had.

He watched as the man stood up with a deep breath, laughing awkwardly in response. "Err... No, you wouldn't."

Then why were they having this conversation? Tokiya's eyebrows furrowed deeper as he tried to figure out why this was happening. "May I ask what you need of me then? I'm in a bit of a rush."

The man thrust his hand out for him to shake, plastering a bright grin across his lips. "I'm Reiji Kotobuki. I don't really know what I'm doing around here, and you look like you know a thing or two."

He was taken aback at the comment, staring between Reiji and the hand he was offering him. There were so many possibilities as to why Reiji was talking to him, but Tokiya figured that it was possibly to help with homework in their class. It was the only explanation that made any sort of sense to himself. No one was fighting for his friendship, so that was ruled out immediately.

Whatever the reason was, Tokiya still found himself taking Reiji's hand into his own as he cautiously accepted the handshake. Sighing deeply, he figured it wouldn't hurt to do this much at least. "Tokiya Ichinose. Now then, if you'll excuse me." He took his hand away from the other, and swiftly turned his back to leave through the front doors of the building.

The walk to the café was brief, but Tokiya found himself replaying the conversation with Reiji over and over again in his mind. Maybe it was because this was the first person to actively rush after him that it resonated so deeply with him, but he still couldn't quite place the feeling it evoked in him. He glanced down at the hand that shook Reiji's, thinking back on how warm it felt against his own cooler skin. It was... interesting.

The café was pleasantly busy, but Tokiya's mind was distracted by those small encounters anyway. Even after his shift ended, it was as if he was in a daze as he removed his apron, punched out and began his walk back home. Setting his school bag down at the door, Tokiya rummaged around his fridge for leftovers from the other night and started up the microwave with the dish as he found him glancing down at his hand again.

It didn't matter how long he wondered about the strange encounters. It wouldn't mean anything after today. Like always, he would be forgotten. Tokiya was good at throwing himself into the background, and this infectiously warm man would leave his life the same as everyone else had. It would never be different no matter who it was.

Despite how deep his conviction seemed, Tokiya was proven wrong when he showed up to that same class two days later and was greeted by Reiji as soon as he entered the classroom. It had shocked Tokiya as much as it had during their first meeting, only this time his breath was taken away entirely. It seemed ridiculous, but there was someone who seemed to be forcing themselves past all the walls he had built up from bricks thrown at him in the past. It was... fascinating. So much more than it should've been as well.

The next few weeks worked out exactly like this second day as well. Every day when he came into the classroom, Reiji was there waiting to greet him from where he sat three chairs down. However, there was a discrepancy this time around. The amount of work he had taken up was beginning to take its toll on his body. The lack of sleep and proper meals was hitting him harder than it should've, so it was no surprise when he found himself dozing off in that last class of the day. Reiji tried to approach him at the end of their shared class, but Tokiya had been too dazed to even think clearly. He had momentarily passed out, and as soon as it happened he had immediately become aware of his surroundings again, realizing in utter embarrassment that he was currently in Reiji's arms.

He had done his best to shove the other away, but the exhaustion was winning over him. Without any warning, Reiji pulled on his wrist to stop him from leaving as quickly as he had tried to. Before he could even realize it, Reiji was all but dragging him out to the parking lot. He couldn't figure out what was happening until Reiji stopped at a vintage green car, opening the passenger door and motioning for Tokiya to hop in. Curious as to where this would lead, he followed the unspoken directions as he sat down in the vehicle. Reiji shut the door and moved to the driver's side. It wasn't too much longer until they were pulling out of the college parking lot and on the road.

Tokiya couldn't pull his eyes away from Reiji, who seemed to be quite concerned over something as he kept his eyes focused ahead of him. Tokiya's eyes were shutting on their own during the whole ride, but there was something he couldn't quite place that kept him alert and focused on the man next to him.

They parked in front of a decent sized building, and Reiji helped him out of the car and up the front steps. It was a short walk into the apartment complex before they reached a door. Reiji fumbled in his pockets before pulling out a set of keys and jamming them in the lock. He motioned for Tokiya to enter as soon as he opened the door, and Tokiya willingly obliged though he didn't understand why.

He knew he shouldn't have for safety reasons, but he couldn't help it. There was something present that kept him against Reiji's side despite not knowing him for longer than a few weeks. It must've seemed absurd to anyone on the outside looking in.

He could barely register the space he was led into before he had noticed the other person settled on the couch in the center of the living space. He was sprawled across the couch with leather boots settled along the other end on top of the headrest. He couldn't tell by the distance he was at, but it seemed like the off-putting male had different colored eyes... Tokiya was quick to look away, focusing his attention back on Reiji who seemed to be leading him to a room off of the main space. A bedroom, Tokiya noticed. There was no room for argument as he watched Reiji fuss about the room before giving him space to walk towards the bed.

"Sleep. We'll talk when you're awake again."

Tokiya nodded as he made his way over to the bed blearily, settling into the sheets as if they were a part of his own bed at home save for the warmth he associated with the other that lingered in this room and in the bed. It had to be Reiji's bedroom. His eyes slid shut before he could stop himself to think about this situation more carefully.

He wasn't aware of how much time passed, but it had to be a couple hours because there was no longer any light filtering in through the windows when he awoke. It took a few minutes for him to realize where he was, quickly sitting up in the bed and making his way over to the door. Peeking his head out into the main space, he noticed the absence of the other man before he had even realized Reiji had taken his place.

"I'm awake..." Tokiya cringed at how broken his voice sounded. How tired was he? He figured the answer must be quite obvious on his face. He shouldn't have let it get this bad...

Reiji patted the spot next to him on the couch, and Tokiya took that as a sign to join him, so he did. He made sure to keep his distance and keep to himself in preparation for what the other would say, though he couldn't exactly figure out what that would be at all. None of this was normal.

And nor was the reaction he received. The brunette threw his arms around Tokiya, his head resting on his shoulder for just a moment before pulling back to stare straight into Tokiya's eyes. He kept his arms on his shoulders as he kept the eye contact, worry lining his every feature. "I'm glad you managed to sleep. You looked exhausted earlier."

Why did he care? This was all so confusing for him. No one ever cared as much as this one acquaintance seemed to. It was... strange. That feeling he held in the car earlier in the day came back in full force as he tried to wrap his mind around everything. "Why do you care?"

"Because I want to. Won't you let me?"

Tokiya held back a gasp as he stared wide-eyed at the other in front of him, tears pouring down his cheeks as he tried to piece together what was happening but to no avail. It just didn't make any sort of sense. He could barely see through the tears even as Reiji began panicking to clear them from his cheeks. He started laughing before he realized it, his body shaking as each wave rode through him.

That was the start of everything. Tokiya didn't ever picture anything like this happening. Why would he? He had been shutting himself off to everyone around him no matter where he went, and now someone was actively breaking down his walls with no desire to stop. For the first time in his life, Tokiya let it happen.

By the time the snow began to stop in March, Tokiya began to see colors he could've never seen without Reiji having shown them to him. His world became bright, flooding his vision every day with this newfound happiness. He would do anything to protect it.

It was obvious to more than just himself and Reiji, too. The people in his classes noticed the change as well, actively coming up to him for advice on homework and classwork rather than avoiding eye contact with him like they had before. Tokiya revelled in this new world, running up to Reiji to tell him about every change in his life. Reiji was the start of it, so it only made sense that Tokiya told him everything that occurred from his presence.

They were blissfully happy together. He should've known that something would come around eventually because happiness always came around with a price. It was his own personal test, and there was everything in the world begging him to pass it.

He was offered an internship at a branch of the Jinguji conglomerate as a secretary. He wasn't sure about it at first because of how much work he was already taking on with college classes and his job at the café. It wasn't slated to start until the summer hit, and they had made quite the effort to push for him to join them. It was only supposed to be a short, summer thing anyway.

Tokiya waited to send a response to the invitation of an interview until the end of the semester. Until then, he enjoyed the peace his life carried. He could tell that taking it would end all of that even without knowing what would eventually happen.

Reiji wasn't thrilled at the idea either when he brought it up with him, but he still supported his decision to take it. He said it would give him an opportunity for a job later and that it would be a waste to let it slip past him.

So Tokiya took it.

When the end of May rolled around, Tokiya found himself walking into the large building, eyes wandering around the modern setting as he walked up to the lady running the front desk. After checking in, he was sent up to the fifth floor. When the elevator opened, he followed her directions to a small office settled at the end of a hallway. Taking a deep breath, Tokiya steeled himself before bringing his knuckles up to knock gently on the door.

He should've known right then and there when that door opened how different his life would become.

"Ah, you must be Tokiya Ichinose, correct? Feel free to make yourself comfortable." The man who opened the door had long ginger locks pulled up into a messy ponytail that only seemed to accentuate his sharp features. His eyes were a piercing sky blue that had Tokiya pulling his suit jacket tighter around himself, shivering in the way they seemed to pull him apart under such close observation.

"Thank you." Tokiya nodded as he entered the space, noting how devoid of any personal belongings it was. He carefully sat down in one of the chairs positioned opposite of the desk, unbuttoning his jacket as he did as he was told. "I'm here in regards-"

"The interview. Of course. Let me be frank with you, Icchi." He should've left at the sound of the nickname, carried in his breath as if they've known each other for years when they hadn't. "I have no need for a secretary because I want nothing to do with this company. My brother is forcing me to care by using fancy words like 'responsibility'." Ren snickered at his own joke. "What I'm trying to say is-"

Tokiya raised a hand to be the one to cut him off this time, hopes dashed as soon as they had been built up knowing all too well that this would turn out like this. "It's quite alright. I knew it was a bit odd to pull my application out of nowhere. I'll just take my leave. Thank you for taking the time out of your schedule to see me anyway."

Tokiya stood up about as quickly as he had sat down, reaching for the door handle only moments later.

"Wait."

Tokiya turned around, confusion clear as the daytime as he stared back at the other. Ren swiveled in his chair, eyebrows furrowed as if he was deep in thought as he returned the gaze. "You didn't let me finish."

Tokiya retracted his hand from the door, settling it against his side as he stood and waited for the proper rejection. "Go on then."

"I'd love to give you the job. I think you're exactly the kind of person I'm looking for."

Tokiya huffed under his breath, shaking his head just a bit where it wouldn't be too noticeable. "I'm not going to help you lie your way through it."

Ren stood up from the chair and waltzed across the room to stand right in front of Tokiya. "I'm looking for someone passionate and hardworking. From your application, you're exactly what I need around here. I might be a bit of work, but something tells me you'll be quick to whip me into shape."

There were red flags laced in every word he spoke, but Tokiya had missed the signs that would've been obvious to anyone else.

"I won't let you down."

"I have a feeling you won't."

This was the start of a cruel summer that could've been so easily avoided if he hadn't been so stupid.

The internship only took three days a week out of his schedule, and it still left his weekends open. Ren was exactly as he had described himself - quite a bit of work. He was lazy and spent more time cracking jokes than actually trying to accomplish anything. The burden the job dropped on him was so much heavier than he thought it would be, but he would be lying if he said he didn't like it. There was something so fulfilling about it.

Those first few weekends were the most difficult. Tokiya spent more time sleeping than he usually ever did. He would accidentally sleep through plans he had made with Reiji, quickly rushing over to his house to apologize and spend the rest of the evening curled under blankets as they pretended to watch a movie together. Eventually, he'd fall asleep against Reiji, but Reiji wouldn't bother waking him up. It should've served as a good enough reminder.

He missed all of those carefree times.

It was June, and Tokiya had gotten the hang of his new job as a secretary. Navigating Ren's schedule had become second nature to himself, and taking his jokes at face value made it incredibly easy to write them off. One particularly open day, Tokiya spent the majority of it seated in the office Ren had given him next to his own, filing paperwork properly for Ren to look over later when the aforementioned male burst into the room.

"Free up Saturday in your schedule."

Tokiya glanced up at his papers to see the grin spreading across Ren's lips. "May I ask why?" He didn't have to be here on Saturdays.

"We're going to the mall."

Tokiya couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at him. "The mall? Why do I have to go with you? I'm sure you must have a friend you'd rather take."

Ren walked further into his office, sitting down at one of the chairs lining the far wall. "You've worked so hard. I'd like to make it up to you. I hate that I'm not able to pay you since you're only an intern, so I want to do something for you as a friend."

A friend... Tokiya couldn't remember the last time he had one of those, but he had Reiji. It seemed ridiculous to think of needing anyone else when he had the relationship that he did. He hadn't realized a smile had made its way to his lips until Ren began laughing. Tokiya snapped out of his thoughts quickly, frowning as he stared at the other. "What seems to be funny?"

"Oh, Icchi, you are."

Tokiya rolled his eyes, but the smile had already worked its way back onto his face. "I could make time in my schedule. You don't owe me anything, though."

"On the contrary, I think I do. You have no say in it, though. I'm not letting you win this time." Ren laughed again. "I'll pick you up. I already have your address from your application, so you can't say no. Does eleven work for you?"

Tokiya rolled his eyes one last time. "Yes, that should be fine. Now, you need to look these over and-"

Ren groaned as he slumped into the chair, and Tokiya had to fight back his laughter as he watched the dramatic shift in attitude. Ren was quick to pick a pen up from the corner table and toss it in Tokiya's direction. Laughter and pens floated in the air as the two joked around with each other, giving themselves an hour before getting back to work.

When that Saturday rolled around, Tokiya had barely slept as he thought about meeting up with Ren. He had dinner that night with Reiji, but he didn't think they'd be out that long anyway. He had told Reiji this was for his internship, and it wasn't technically a lie. Thinking of Ren as a new friend was still a bit scary, so he kept the details out of the conversation. Reiji had been a bit curious about the sudden shift in his schedule for the week, but he didn't question it. After all, work had picked up at the bento shop. It had worked out for the both of them, and they had agreed on dinner.

Tokiya should've made it back for that dinner.

A honk could be heard outside of his apartment a few minutes before eleven, clearly telling of Ren's arrival. Tokiya stood in the mirror one last time, fiddling with the ends of his hair before rushing out the door and down the two small flights of stairs that led to the entrance. Tokiya halted in his steps when his eyes caught the car sitting out front.

A bright red convertible was parked on the street with the top flipped back. Ren looked like he belonged in it with his designer jacket and sunglasses. For a moment, Tokiya was reminded of how truly comfortable his own life was. This just... didn't seem like a scene he fit in with. Uneasily, Tokiya made his way outside blinking back against the bright sun that flooded his vision.

Ren gave him a two finger salute as he noticed Tokiya walking towards him. "Yo."

Tokiya was still too dazzled by the scene in front of him to properly answer him. "H-Hello." It was about all that he could manage just yet.

That same sound of chimes echoing rang in the air between them as Ren laughed at his reaction, reaching over to open the passenger door for him. "Icchi, get in. Let's drive."

Tokiya did as he was told, staring at Ren even as they drove off in the direction of the higher end mall he had never been to. Tokiya had about figured they'd be going there, but a small part of him hoped they wouldn't be. Malls weren't exactly his type of hangout. The crowds... Sometimes, they were just a bit too much for himself.

Ren seemed to pick up on his uneasiness, so he filled the quiet with meaningless conversations. It always amazed Tokiya how Ren picked up on these small details.

The trip was exactly how he had perceived it would be. Ren drew attention from everyone they passed on the streets and in the mall as they had begun to walk around. Tokiya followed him, slowly easing into the flow of conversation as he tried to make himself comfortable. Ren then led them into a suit shop with price tags that had Tokiya's jaw hanging open. Too much time hadn't passed by before Ren had thrown him into a fitting room with three suits hanging from the hooks on the inside. It took about five hours for Ren to finally approve of a fabric and color combination that looked the best on Tokiya and only two seconds for himself before he was sliding his credit card into the machine at the registers.

It was ridiculous, and Tokiya wouldn't ever ask anyone to spend that sort of money on him. Ren insisted on not showing him what the cost came out to, telling him it was a secret and all he had to do to make it up was wear it at least once. Tokiya couldn't imagine finding the right place to wear it anywhere, but still he agreed. It was the only way Ren would drop the conversation.

He was exhausted when they finally made their way back to Ren's car, watching with tired eyes as he rolled the top back into place. Only Ren didn't start the car up right away.

Another red flag that should've been easy to break.

"I had fun, Tokiya."

Tokiya's eyes drifted over to meet Ren's at the sound of his full name leaving the other's lips. It rarely happened, usually only when they were in the presence of employees around the building. To hear it like this now... Somehow, it felt completely different. A light blush dusted his cheeks before he really knew what it meant.

"I did, too, Ren. Thank you for asking me to join you." He really did have fun. It wasn't a lie, but something yelled at him from the back of his mind about how he should've. He agreed with the small voice.

They stilled in the moment, and Tokiya found himself tracing the pattern of the parking lot lights reflecting against Ren's face, following it down to his lips. Before he could even register what was happening, his body reacted on its own.

Dinner with...

He found himself returning Ren's passion unexpectedly, parting his lips under Ren's to allow his tongue to dart in and explore his mouth feverishly. When they finally broke away from each other, Ren cradled Tokiya's head between both of his hands as he leaned his forehead against Tokiya's.

His wide eyes searched Ren's, though he wasn't sure what he was looking for. Before he could even attempt to say anything, Ren backed away, his hands slipping from his cheeks to the steering wheel as he started up the car. Tokiya's blush darkened into a color red that he was sure challenged the car's polished wax finish. No words passed between them as Ren drove the route back to Tokiya's apartment.

He should've said something, and yet he didn't.

Even when he left, Ren gave him a cordial goodbye as they parted. Tokiya lingered outside as he watched Ren drive away, his new suit hanging in a garment bag draped across his arms as he stood there stupidly. He wasn't sure how long he stood outside like that, but he did know that it was pitch black outside by the time he started walking up to his apartment. Unlocking the door and swinging it open, Tokiya threw himself down onto his couch as he stared up at the ceiling trying to make sense of it all.

He had no answer for himself.

The next morning he sent Reiji a notice of apology, saying he had lost track of time at work and crashed before he realized it. It was stupid to not tell him the truth, but how could he when he didn't know what that was either?

Avoiding it was impossible as well. That following Monday, Ren cornered him in his office. Tokiya fought to avoid meeting his piercing gaze, knowing all too well how lost he'd get in them. He knew he couldn't afford to do that. Ren clearly had other plans, though.

"Tokiya, I meant it."

Tokiya swallowed deeply, knowing how red his face already was. Ren left room for him to speak but sighed when he realized that Tokiya wouldn't be talking anytime soon.

"I don't expect some kind of answer right away, but my intentions are genuine."

And yet Tokiya's were the worst without knowing it. He nodded, his eyes following the pattern etched into the carpet below his feet. He could hear the padded footsteps but didn't quite register them until they entered his field of vision. Guarded, Tokiya's gaze lifted to see Ren's serious expression mere inches away from his own conflicted one. He opened his mouth to speak but closed it just as soon as he had. Ren brought a finger up to his chin, keeping a constant upwards pressure for him to keep the gaze.

He should've pushed him away. He should've walked out right then and there.

Ren tilted his head down, meeting Tokiya's lips with his own once more. The feeling was just as heated as it was back in his car two nights ago, easily giving in to the passion as he had before. Ren backed him up against the door to his office, moving the finger under his chin to follow his Adam's apple down his neck. Tokiya's hands found purchase in Ren's sleeves, wrinkling them with his tightened grip.

This continued for a whole month. In between meetings and filing paperwork, Ren would save a few minutes in his day to call for Tokiya in his office, sure to lock the door behind him as he entered. It never escalated beyond these quick meetings, though. That is, until Ren casually invited him over to his place for a business meeting pertaining to a presentation he had to make in under a week.

Tokiya informed Reiji he wouldn't be available that Saturday, letting him know about the presentation and how stressful it was. Reiji pet his fingers through his hair as he cooed soothing words into his ear, wrapping them both up in a blanket as Tokiya's eyes drifted shut. There wasn't one night Tokiya didn't dream about Reiji's arms around him.

Ren picked him up at his apartment that Saturday in the same ostentatious car, garnering another eye roll from Tokiya as he hopped into the passenger seat. He was surprised to discover that Ren lived in an apartment building as well, though that surprise vanished when they reached the penthouse suite on the top floor. Ren told him that he had to pay it off himself, but how exactly was that a struggle for a Jinguji? Ren laughed at the side comments he didn't realize he spoke aloud.

It started as a genuine business meeting, Ren surprising him for the third time but the first for how serious he seemed. Since their very first meeting, Ren had changed for the better. If only Tokiya could say the same about himself.

They started with one glass of wine each but ended the night with two empty bottles between them. Tokiya hardly drank except when he was dragged to bars with Reiji, and that became blatantly obvious by his second drink. Of course one thing led to another, and Ren had Tokiya's back settled underneath him on the couch in the center of the apartment. It was much sloppier than all their other heated meetings, but Tokiya didn't have the sense to give it any sort of control. It was rushed and messy, but electric and held all the same passion as every other time before.

When he woke up the next morning, there was pain coursing through his head before the confusion could settle in right away. The questions kept pouring into his mind as he tried to figure out where he was, why his head hurt as much as it did, and lastly... why he was lying in a strange bed draped in only a silk robe.

"You're awake."

All his questions were answered as he glanced up to find Ren sauntering into the room with a small white bottle in one hand and a glass of water in his other. He wore a matching robe to the one draped around Tokiya.

"What-" Tokiya choked on his sore throat, flinching at how raspy his voice sounded.

Ren walked with hurried steps as he made his way over, thrusting both the bottle and glass in front of Tokiya.

"Don't. Your voice is shot." Ren's didn't sound much better than his. "It seems we had a bit too much to drink." Ren chuckled nervously as he watched Tokiya take two of the small pills and chased them down with a swig of the water.

Tokiya hadn't ever slept with anyone. Ren had been his first, and he didn't remember any of it. It was disappointing that he couldn't remember it but moreso to realize that it had been with Ren and not Reiji. Reiji...

Tokiya quickly tossed aside the bottle and rushed to stand up, clearly not realizing that maybe that wouldn't be possible. Ren hurriedly ran to Tokiya's side to catch him before he hit the ground.

"You shouldn't move just yet. We may have overdone it... I understand if you'd want to quit after this. I crossed a line..."

Tokiya's eyes shot to Ren's as he settled back onto the bed again. "Is that what you want?" Is that what he wanted for himself? The answer should've been simple, and yet he asked for Ren to answer instead.

"Well... no, but are you sure?"

No, is what the answer should've been. Instead... "Never... have I ever before..."

Ren's eyes were alight with a new confidence and kind of emotion that Tokiya remembered feeling for himself months ago in an apartment much like his own. "If you'll let me then." Ren reached over to entwine his fingers with Tokiya's.

It was the start of a mess that couldn't be healed. Healing wounds on his weekends, yet burying new knives during the weekdays. It was a routine he should've known better than to let happen, but he was too far gone to change the ending now. Like a train running along tracks that were closed off from the rest of the route, there was only one end to this story. There was no righting his wrongs now.

And then the phone calls began. Ren would call him to ask for plans when he was either working at the café or - even worse - when he was with Reiji. Those were more difficult conversations to keep discreet, but he was able to ride them off as only work calls. Sometimes if he left Reiji's early, he would send a quick location to Ren for a pick-up. It was never anywhere close to Reiji's apartment. Ren had only tried questioning that once or twice before Tokiya found good enough excuses that kept those questions at bay.

Despite how that seemed, August was the worst of it all. Tokiya sat with Reiji on his couch, eyes falling flat on the TV screen in front of them. His head was pressed into Reiji's shoulder as his mind lingered on words he knew he had to speak yet refused to this late in the game. Reiji spoke before he could even decide what he wanted to do about his idiotic fling.

It was an invitation to a wedding. Tokiya hated crowds, and Reiji knew that. Maybe it was why he sounded almost apologetic as he asked. Tokiya thought about it for a moment. Two weeks from now... a Saturday. He'd be breaking a promise to Ren... but he was already shattering Reiji's heart without him knowing. What was one more broken promise? It seemed like a nice excuse to wear the suit Ren picked out for him, so he agreed. Reiji seemed to expect that answer anyway, quickly pulling out his phone to clearly text his friend that the two of them would be coming.

Tokiya visited Ren the next weekend. It was only supposed to serve as a warning as to where he'd be, and yet somehow...

"Icchi, didn't you tell me you had to leave soon?" Ren huffed with a smirk on his lips, brushing his fingers through Tokiya's hair.

Of course they had ended up like this. Tokiya's head was lying across Ren's bare chest where they were in his bed. The sheets were a mess, but clearly Ren had tried to settle them back around Tokiya's figure. Now, he was too comfortable - and sore might he add - to even attempt moving.

Tokiya grumbled out an incoherent response much to Ren's amusement, but he knew he had to get up. It was bad enough he stayed this long. Tokiya pushed to sit himself up, flinching at the pain the movement brought but moving through it anyway.

"I'm going to be somewhere next weekend. I won't be able to come around."

Ren released his hand from his hair, sitting himself up better to face him. "The day after then? I don't have any plans anytime soon, or at least if it's you calling."

The knife was too deep to pull out now. Tokiya grimaced for only a moment at the words, knowing fully well how wrong they were in someone else's lips. "I'll... let you know."

"Let me guess... work? Icchi, you need to give yourself a day off every now and then. You'll collapse at this rate."

Well deserved, he added mentally as he avoided Ren's gaze. "I know. I'll still see you that Monday. I promise I'll be in the building then."

Ren hummed as he reached for Tokiya's hand, tracing his fingers along the patterns of his veins. "We should go to your place the next time."

Tokiya left before that discussion could continue because he couldn't let it get that far. He couldn't bring Ren there when even Reiji hadn't yet. It would solidify all of this running around. It would become too real. No, it wouldn't happen.

The next week, Tokiya found himself unzipping the bag the suit Ren had given him came in, running his fingers down the silk lapels. Carefully pulling it out of the bag, Tokiya made the decision to wear it to the wedding. Another stupid decision. He shouldn't be wearing it at all, but... well, he could claim he didn't have anything else as nice to wear to such an occasion. It would have to do for now.

The wedding was a bit odd but held the same sentiment that any wedding would. Briefly, Tokiya wondered if anything like this would be in his future. When they got to the reception, Tokiya was practically worn out already. If Ren was there, he would mock him about what a party-pooper he was. He scoffed under his breath at the thought, grabbing Reiji's curious stare as they sat down at their clearly designated table with about six other random guests. Unsurprisingly, Reiji seemed to know at least two of them. Reiji knew everyone no matter where they went. Everyone loved him back at the college despite only being there a few months.

He let himself get whisked away for a few dances before breaking from Reiji to catch his breath. Reiji pulled a few other people into dances until a song he recognized as the brunette's favorite began playing through the speakers. Briefly their eyes met, but Reiji kept his focus on the person currently in his arms. Watching Reiji laugh like life was perfect hurt him more than it should've. He knew he'd be the reason that smile of his would vanish one day.

Unable to stand it any longer, Tokiya stalked off to the gardens behind the ballroom enjoying the night air that floated around the small lake back there. His phone chiming from inside his pocket pulled himself from his thoughts. Picking up the device, he wasn't too shocked to see Ren's number pop up on the screen. It was a Saturday, after all.

"Are you out of work yet? We could meet behind the mall?"

Those were Ren's code words for their hookups. It was stupid, but Ren thought it was clever because that's where their first kiss together was. Tokiya hung his head at the words from the other end of the line, closing his eyes as he thought of his answer carefully. "I'm sorry. I can't." Leaving it at that, he hung up and pocketed the device. He let his eyes search the lake for an answer to the mess he had created knowing he could only find that answer in himself.

He gave it another few minutes before heading back to the ballroom. He had to tell Reiji. That was his final conviction.

But it didn't matter.

Tokiya was startled out of his own thoughts as he almost walked right into Reiji at the doors. It only took a second to realize what was wrong. Reiji's eyes held his emotions very clearly, and Tokiya had learned how to pick up on them. There was almost no hiding what he felt no matter what lie he tried to string together for Tokiya. They had been together long enough for none of those to work anymore. Reiji's eyes were pleading as they gazed into Tokiya's, desperately searching for something that Tokiya couldn't give him.

And then Reiji left. Tokiya could only watch his retreating figure as he left, not daring to follow. He knew. Someone told him. Who knew? There shouldn't have been any traces... Where did he go wrong?

There was no use in asking any questions now, though. That was it.

After that night, Reiji never called, and Tokiya never tried to visit him again.

Tokiya had called Ren to pick him up, not having any means of going back to his apartment now that Reiji had left him. He didn't think he'd be apologizing for it anytime soon, not that he expected him to anyway. He was as closed off as he could be as he hopped into Ren's car, avoiding all the stares and whispers that arose with his arrival. He couldn't find it in himself to care at all.

Ren had tried talking to him on the way back, even noting his sullen mood as they made their way to Tokiya's apartment. Still, he said nothing, not even as they parted from each other.

Tokiya became invisible at his internship after that, disappearing for a whole week before he called Ren again. Ren met him behind the mall like he had asked him to, which was telling in its own way. He was numb. He didn't deserve to feel any sort of pain, so he shut off all of his emotions. Then and there he told Ren about everything. He told Ren about how happy he was. He told Ren about what their affair really meant to him. He spared no details.

Ren listened intently, breathing out a shaky breath as Tokiya finished his story. There were tears, but Tokiya still felt nothing. Ren smiled at him through them, releasing a sigh as he parted from him with one last goodbye and final words he would never forget.

"I thought wanting was enough. It seems I only lived for the hope of it all."

Tokiya left the internship for good. He never called Ren, and Ren never tried to visit him.

August was a month of haunts and pain, but it was thrilling and passionate just the same. Like the bottle of wine he finished so desperately two months ago with Ren, the burn of it was searing and the excitement was short-lived.

Tokiya went back to that community college, changing his major to business to settle down and figure out a life for himself. He found a roommate for his apartment because affording it alone became nearly impossible. Otoya was plenty nice, but he lacked the common sense to give Tokiya his personal space. Their loud conversations pulled him from his thoughts, though. The distraction helped him forget.

Until he received an invitation one year later.

He spent weeks mulling over what he would do if he showed what he would say to him. Then he would go back and decide he shouldn't go. He knew the letter didn't come from him, but clearly from someone who knew of the two of them. Tokiya wondered what that meant. He wondered what that person was looking for.

It took weeks for him to come up with any answers, but the cab dropped him off and left him on that front porch in mere minutes before he could pick one. Tokiya's heart froze as he stared up at the slightly smaller complex. It took another few minutes to walk in the building and climb the steps up to the third floor. The walk wasn't the same as it used to be, but the meaning almost was. He brought his hand up to the wooden door, letting it fall there twice. He hoped there wouldn't be a response, that maybe the music would be too loud for his knock to be heard.

When Reiji opened the door, his words caught in his throat. The speech he had mentally tried to prepare himself with broke into millions of little pieces as he stared at the one person who taught him patience and love. "Reiji."

Reiji stared at him wide-eyed, clearly trying to process why their meeting was happening now all this time later.

And then the floodgates opened. Tokiya couldn't stop himself from speaking, his words all falling over each other as he rushed to get out all his thoughts from the past year. "I don't deserve you. Would you trust me if I told you it was just a summer thing? I know that the worst thing I ever did was what I did to you, but would you still have me? Would you let me love you again? I don't know anything, but I know I miss you."

Reiji just stared at him. Tokiya couldn't understand the emotions held in his eyes. How strange that only a year passed, and yet it was like they didn't know each other anymore.

"You said I was your favorite."

Tokiya broke. His heart shattered as he relived all their memories together all at once. Tokiya threw his head into his hands as he broke out into sobs that shook his entire frame.

"You were supposed to be my only." Tokiya meant it because Reiji was. Ren was never supposed to be in the picture, but Tokiya let him in. Tokiya let someone else ruin the peace their relationship had. It was his fault that he lived in exile now, haunted by the pain from his mistakes.

Running through the streets of that city together with their hands clasped tightly, their first kiss on that couch with the cold from the snow seeping in through the windows, their late-night conversations together that ended with promises of forever...

It was the worst thing he had ever done, and it took all this time for it to finally sink in.

August slipped away like that first bottle of wine all that time ago.


	3. It Was Never Mine

Ren was bored of his life. Day in and day out it was exactly the same. The only difference every now and then was the change in secretaries his brother gave him after he ran them all out. He wished for an end to it all.

"You have an interview in five minutes, and you are not allowed to turn him away. I think he'll be a perfect fit for you. As long as you're stuck here, you might as well be somewhat useful. Keep yourself reasonably entertained." Seiichirou threw a file onto Ren's desk next to where his feet were propped up.

Ren leaned over to stare at the file before scoffing, glancing up at his brother with narrowed eyes. "Oh? What makes him so qualified?"

"You'll have a hard time seducing him." Seiichirou left the office space without another word, clearly uninterested in any rebuttal Ren could possibly come up with for him.

"Challenge accepted," Ren muttered under his breath as he sat back properly at the desk, setting his feet back down on the ground as he leaned forward for the file. There was almost nothing fascinating about the man in the file. Tokiya Ichinose. He had almost no experience in business, wasn't studying it at the college he was going to and held another job at a local café. He held no qualifications that the others before him did, but he did have quite the pretty face. Ren let his imagination get the best of him as he tried to come up with excuses to either turn him away or disgust him enough to drive him out.

The latter seemed like the easier option.

A small knock at his door pulled him from his thoughts. Ren stood up, tossing the file into the corner of his desk as he walked towards the door where he knew the man in question was waiting. Ren wondered if he was as dull as the file made him.

Ren wouldn't call it 'love' because that was a childish word to use for it. He would say he became infatuated at first sight, though. In his eyes, this was the start of it. It was the start of the most meaningful and miserable summer he's ever experienced, and he had no one else to blame for it other than himself.

_How did he not see it?_

Tokiya Ichinose was, in fact, gorgeous. His hair was a stunning navy that spiked out in a surprisingly neat manner. Eyes the color of the ocean burned into Ren's with a confidence only he seemed to believe in. Standing as straight as he could - Ren surmised it was from the nerves - the man seemed both serious and nervous about the prospect of the job he'd be interviewing for. Ren almost felt bad that it would be so half-assed.

"Ah, you must be Tokiya Ichinose, correct? Feel free to make yourself comfortable." Ren moved aside to let him enter the space, watching him carefully as he walked over to one of the two chairs facing his desk. Even the way he carried himself when walking was mesmerizing. Unconsciously, Ren swallowed at the sight as he shut the door and moved to sit down at his desk.

"Thank you." The way he spoke seemed overly formal, but his voice was musical in its lilt. _Truly fascinating._ "I'm here in regards-"

"To the interview. Of course. Let me be frank with you, Icchi." It was a fun, little nickname he came up with, and seeing how the other's eyebrows twitched in response only pushed for his need to use it more. "I have no need for a secretary because I want nothing to do with this company. My brother is forcing me to care by using fancy words like 'responsibility'." Ren couldn't help the short laugh that escaped him at his own joke. "What I'm trying to say is-"

Ren was a bit surprised to see Tokiya lift a hand, cutting him off mid-sentence. He could see what his brother meant about him now. "It's quite alright. I knew it was a bit odd to pull my application out of nowhere. I'll just take my leave. Thank you for taking the time out of your schedule to see me anyway."

He watched as the light that Tokiya's eyes held when he first entered died entirely, clearly having heard similar words before from who knows how many other failed interviews. Tokiya stood up and walked to the door, but Ren couldn't watch him leave so quickly - even _if_ he enjoyed the view.

"Wait."

Ren was almost giddy watching as Tokiya followed his directions. It was easy to say how pleased he was thinking of how he could use that to his advantage. "You didn't let me finish."

Tokiya's hand settling back down to his side was another form of encouragement Ren shouldn't have been given. "Go on then."

And then he spoke those words. Little did he know of Ren's more competitive side. "What I'm trying to say is I'd love to give you the job. I think you're exactly the kind of person I'm looking for." Did he know what exactly he was looking for? No, but he couldn't let the other leave. He needed to get to know him.

It was amusing to watch Tokiya sigh as he shook his head. "I'm not going to help you lie your way through it."

It took all of Ren's restraint not to laugh at the comment, curious as to what part of him made that so easy to read. Maybe Tokiya was just good at reading people. He wanted to learn for himself just how good he was.

He stood up from the desk with practiced grace, emphasizing his movement as he locked eyes with the other. "I'm looking for someone passionate and hardworking. From your application, you're exactly what I need around here. I might be a bit of work, but something tells me you'll be quick to whip me into shape." Ren only stopped walking when he was a foot in front of the other, his gaze never leaving his eyes as he spoke.

Tokiya seemed to hesitate before his response, thinking over his words carefully as he searched Ren's eyes for an answer. And then his eyes hardened with a resolution Ren thought he had already killed. "I won't let you down."

Ren grinned as he stared back with a ferocity he hadn't felt before. "I have a feeling you won't."

Ren's world exploded into colors he hadn't seen before upon Tokiya's arrival. The dull greys had suddenly become fiery reds and oranges as every day brought something new. He should've known this would only go so far.

Ren made it his mission to make life difficult for Tokiya. After all, he wanted to see how capable he really was. The family business wasn't exactly easy day in and day out, so he made sure to put Tokiya's skills to use. It was clear how exhausted he was becoming, so at the start of June Ren decided to break the cycle in the only way he knew how. He would be lying if it wasn't entirely for selfish reasons, but he wouldn't admit that just yet.

Ren rushed over to Tokiya's office, making himself comfortable in one of the chairs settled against the wall in his office. Tokiya was ready to start up a fight about filing certain paperwork before Ren cut him off quickly.

"Free up Saturday in your schedule."

The look on Tokiya's face was priceless. Ren couldn't help the grin that formed across his lips at the sight. "May I ask why?"

"We're going to the mall."

It took a bit of convincing - and laughter - before Tokiya finally agreed, though Ren didn't give him enough room to fight it. Every day leading up to the trip was _excruciating_. The only thing that made the wait worth it was that he got to see Tokiya once more that Friday before the trip. He hadn't been afraid to jump into his office and remind him of their plans. Of course, Tokiya hadn't been too thrilled at the sudden surprise, but Ren knew by now that he always pretended to be angry. He could always see the small upwards turn in the corners of his lips. Ren had gotten good at seeing them.

Ren couldn't sleep that night, his mind in overdrive as he planned what he'd wear when he saw Tokiya the next morning. He could've had a company car drive them, but Ren wanted to feel Tokiya's eyes on him as he drove. The car would surely pull his attention the most. Again, that feeling of excitement flooded his veins.

The next morning, Ren was up and ready two hours before he had to be. It only took fifteen minutes to get to Tokiya's apartment, so he couldn't just leave then and sit outside for that long. It would be too obvious where his intentions lied, so he waited.

Ren's breath was taken from him as Tokiya walked outside of his building doning more casual clothing than what he would wear at work. He wondered if Tokiya even realized how attractive he was because it seemed like he didn't know at all. _What a shame._

His excitement grew as Tokiya paused in his steps, clearly gaping in awe at his car. Times like these made him grateful that his spending habits were as bad as they were.

The ride to the mall was relatively quiet, save for Ren trying his best to have Tokiya relax. It was obvious how on edge he seemed to be, but he didn't bother to ask why. When they finally got to the mall and to the shop Ren had chosen, the look of bewilderment on Tokiya's face made laughter bubble in Ren's throat. Even when he was trying on all the suits Ren had picked out for him, the bewilderment never left him completely. Clearly he had never been treated like this before, so Ren let himself enjoy every second of it. It was hard not to anyway with the view he got with each new outfit change.

But Ren waited to act until they got back to his car and when the sun was gone behind the horizon before acting on a whim.

He could feel his heart beating hard as he rolled the roof back into place and watched Tokiya settle himself into the leather passenger seat. They sat together just passing a simple conversation back and forth as Tokiya thanked him for the trip, but Ren could barely hear him with how hard his blood was pumping in his ears as his imagination ran wild. All it took was the glance Tokiya gave him before he let his own instincts take over.

His lips were tracing Tokiya's in an instant, craving for more as the other began moving against his own. Ren couldn't stop himself from pushing harder, reaching up to cradle Tokiya's cheeks in his hands as his tongue traced his bottom lip. The way Tokiya opened up so easily under him had Ren yearning for more. The need he felt was so much stronger now than it had been before, and Tokiya just _melted_ in his arms...

Regrettably, Ren pulled away with a buzz still coursing through veins as he let his hands slide down Tokiya's face. The wide-eyed gaze that kept to him as he started the car up to drive him back home only egged him on. When Tokiya finally slipped away from his car, Ren kept him in his rearview mirror as he pulled away from the curb.

That night felt like no other, and it would certainly become a memory he'd have a hard time parting with later on. If only he could've been allowed to keep it, to bask in the beauty of it. How unfortunate he had been in his timing. If only their fate entwined earlier then maybe he would've stood a chance...

The next two days were agonizing as he thought over what he would say on Monday. He could say it was only in the heat of the moment, or he could go with the flow and hope Tokiya felt the same. Looking back on his thoughts, Ren wished he had gone with the first option. It would've hurt him much less down the line. Instead he wanted to chase that burning passion he felt that night, the way Tokiya relinquished control over to Ren as his tongue traced along the inside of his mouth...

Ren practically ran to his office, waving away everyone who tried to stop him. He was a man on a mission. Once he had settled his belongings for the day somewhere in his office - quite frankly he didn't care where he threw his belongings at the moment - he called for one of his assistants to summon Tokiya.

That was the start of their more frequent meetings. It was stupid to chase that heat, but Ren was always one to follow it wherever it led him. At that moment, it seemed to lead him to Tokiya. Their passionate moments bloomed into his daily snapshot of his life three days a week. Every day Tokiya was there for his internship, Ren made it worth his while by encouraging those short moments together. Locking office doors and passing knowing glances, it was no surprise that Ren let himself get as caught up as he did.

And he continued to push those barriers.

He had an important presentation coming up, and his distractions at work kept his mind far too occupied to think about it until the deadline arrived so suddenly. Now, he had less than three days to figure it out. The request was genuine with no other intentions set behind them. It was the truth, but seeing Tokiya tipsy was what drove him to push the limits they were already breaking together. One glass of win led to a second that ended with two empty bottles settled on the long glass table. In a drunken stupor, Ren spoke more boldly about their meetings aloud to him, expressing his thoughts a little too... obscenely. Equally as drunk, Tokiya smirked at him devilishly as he pressed for what Ren had thought of doing to him.

Ren decided to stupidly show him.

Ren had a hard time forgetting that next morning. With the sun filtering in through the window, it was hard to stay asleep any longer. Groggily, he let himself wake up, feeling the pain in his head before he could process where he was and what position he was in.

Sitting up about as much as he could, he gasped when he saw the sight before him. Tokiya was cradled into his chest, and from what he could tell, the other was stark naked. It didn't fully settle into his sleep-riddled mind until he noticed how bare he was himself. _So they had gone that far..._ Ren only allowed himself one more moment to appreciate the way the sun shone against Tokiya's back and through his navy locks. After that, he moved carefully to lift him off his chest and onto the pillows. When Ren stood up, he moved to wrap himself in a robe before walking back over to Tokiya to gently throw his arms into one as well. Only after he tucked the sheets in around Tokiya did he leave to grab him a water and medication for the hangover he was sure to have.

The conversation they had once he had awoken was one he found himself to be scared for until Tokiya seemingly reassured him that nothing was wrong. Having been encouraged, Ren started testing the waters more. He began inviting Tokiya over every Saturday. Of course, their shared moments in the office never slowed down either. Between those three days a week and twisting up bedsheets on Saturday, Ren burst into August with a wanting and hope stronger than anything he had ever felt before.

He had fallen completely for Tokiya, but something felt wrong. Maybe it was in the way they never defined what was happening, or maybe it was how Tokiya began running out the door before the end of the night on their Saturday meetings. It could've been their odd conversations over the phone that seemed cryptic with the wording Tokiya chose, or even the odder pickup locations Tokiya had chosen for Ren. There were many signs that pointed towards something, but what exactly that something was he didn't know or have any proof of.

At the start of the eighth month, Ren let Tokiya break off one of their kisses, letting him settle against his chest after another sensual afternoon. Ren was quite content with how they were currently until Tokiya began sliding over to swing his legs over the side of the bed.

"You never stay anymore."

Tokiya sighed, stopping to crawl back to Ren and pull him in for one more deep kiss. Ren gave up control as he let himself enjoy it, chasing it as Tokiya broke it once more. "I know."

"Meet me behind the mall tomorrow?" Ren grinned as he used the slang for their hookups, laughing just a bit as Tokiya rolled his eyes in response. It had to be the most amusing expression the man ever wore.

"I have an early shift tomorrow at the café. I may be staying later than the time I'm scheduled for."

Ren frowned again, watching how Tokiya reached for his boxers and slacks and began pulling them up his legs. "You're overworking yourself. We could meet up instead of working Monday?"

Tokiya shook his head, his navy locks that had been dampened with sweat moving with the movement. "I can't. You know that."

Ren sighed as he slid himself over the opposite end of the bed, reaching for one of his robes. "One of these days, I hope you could accept my offer. You'll work yourself to death this way." Ren didn't miss the grimace on Tokiya's face, even though he tried to turn his head away in time.

Tokiya said nothing else as he continued to throw his clothes back on. Ren leaned against one of the posts to his bed as he watched the scene, his eyes following the scratches down his back before they were hidden by the button-up shirt he wore.

"I'm sorry."

Those words threw Ren off by how genuine they seemed. What did he have to be sorry about?

Ren let Tokiya leave without another word.

The next weekend when Ren picked Tokiya up again for their weekly hookup at his place, Ren was surprised to learn about the wedding he was invited to. He knew Tokiya hated the crowds, so why would he agree to go? It didn't bother him too much, but it was a bit disappointing. He'd be lying if he said he didn't feel that way. After all, he was comfortable with their relationship. For him, wanting was enough. He lived for the hope of everything their meetings held.

Wanting should've been enough. Why didn't it feel that way anymore?

When the day of the wedding rolled around, Ren found himself pacing around his house. He cancelled any plans he set up as he waited for any word from Tokiya, even a text message would be good enough.

And then Tokiya called him asking for a ride home. How he had even gotten there was a bit baffling, but Ren obliged with no questions asked. It barely took him any time to get ready - he definitely wasn't already dressed for something like this - and get out to his car, starting it and pulling out of the lot only moments later.

The location wasn't one he would personally pick for a wedding, but it wasn't his day to judge. Pulling up to the location Tokiya had sent him, Ren curiously glanced around the venue for a bit before his eyes finally landed on Tokiya. Immediately, his breath was taken from him.

Tokiya was dressed to the nines in the suit Ren had bought him. What really got to him was the sight of his navy locks having been gelled back on top of his head. Ren had never seen his hair styled like that before.

But there was something wrong. It was evident from the way Tokiya walked up to his car and settled in the passenger seat with practiced grace, his eyes focused on something far away and out of reach of Ren. Ren tried to fill the uncomfortable silence as best he could on their way back to their place, trying his best to pull Tokiya out of his own thoughts.

"You look... wow. I didn't realize you'd wear the suit I gave you so soon."

Silence.

"How was the wedding? I think I've seen a few of these people before, so I wonder if I know the bride and groom."

Silence again.

Ren sighed, biting the inside of his cheek as he gave up on the concept of conversation. Whatever had happened, clearly Tokiya wasn't in the mood to speak about it. When they made it to Tokiya's apartment, Tokiya got out and shut the door, stalking off on the broken cobblestones that led up to his complex without another word. Ren didn't even try to comfort him because he didn't even know how. It wasn't as if Tokiya shared any of his deeper thoughts with him, so he wouldn't even know where to begin.

So he decided to wait until Monday... only Tokiya didn't show up again. It was concerning, and Ren had thought he had done something wrong. Was it something he said or did? It was _agonizing_ to not know.

His prayers were answered a week later when Tokiya called to meet up together behind the mall where they had first met. Ren agreed without question.

His hands twisted in his lap as he anxiously waited for him to arrive, more nervous than usual since Tokiya said he would get there himself. When a cab arrived and Tokiya stepped out, Ren turned off his car and hurriedly got out to meet him. The light that shone in his eyes died as soon as he noticed the look in Tokiya's eyes. The bright ocean orbs that usually gleamed at him were now dulled tidal waves. Concern flooded his mind as he looked Tokiya over, expecting injuries or something to serve as an indicator.

August was the month he should've seen coming. He saw every sign, and he understood each and every meaning of them despite the nonchalance he pretended to wear. How could he pretend the hope of it all was all he could ever need? That wanting would be enough?

"Ren, we can't see each other anymore. I'm sorry. This is all my fault."

Tokiya gave him the whole story, and Ren heard every word. Those were the few words that tore Ren apart the most. He knew there had to be someone else that mattered more. He knew what they had was fleeting.

That didn't mean it hurt any less. The sting of the long-awaited rejection cut like a knife that pulled Ren apart at the seams.

Ren smiled at Tokiya, though he knew his own eyes betrayed the smile's real meaning. The tears began falling before he even knew they were beginning to form, but he pretended they didn't exist. He left Tokiya with words that had been echoing in his head during their entire time together.

And then that was it.

Ren turned around after he spoke, driving away in his car without looking back.

August slipped away so easily from memories woven from moments in time because they were never truly his to keep. He was never his to lose.


End file.
